It’s Almost My Birthday

It’s almost my birthday. I am very excited to announce to everyone that doesn’t already hear that from me every day. I will be 26 years old on the 14th! Hooray for birthdays. For any family that would like to know, or friends that don’t hear from me every day about this blessed event, here are some things you can get for me, if you haven’t already purchased me a Lexus Hybrid SUV or my own parking spot at IHOP. Seriously, they are worth about the same amount.

Without further ado, here is my birthday wish list, in no particular order.

Mothering Misconceptions: “What if You Are Different?” and “Protect your Marriage”

When you walk into a bookstore, and you finally find the parenting section WAYYYY in the back by the “self help” section, it will take you two seconds to be overwhelmed. Why? Because there are a million books on parenting, and every single one of them, for the most part, totally contradicts the other. This is because publishers like to confuse you. Actually that’s a lie. It’s because almost no one parents the same, but everyone generally feels SO confident in their way that they kind of sometimes end up forcing it on other people.

Don’t be scared! Parenting is work. Duh.

Motherhood Question: When Will I/My Baby Sleep?

Sleep for mom, sleep for new baby. Many questions arise from this most hideous of topics. So many in fact, that you can buy TONS of books on the subject(s). I admit to ignoring all published literature and going completely by advice from friends and my own instincts.

That said, here’s this posts’ disclaimer: I am not a baby sleeping/mom sleeping expert. I only know what worked for me and Caden. There are large and abundant exceptions to pretty much everything I am now going to write down. Please don’t take anything I do differently as criticism of the way YOU do things, or anything else that might cause hurt feelings. I am sure that even if you have a 2 year old who never sleeps, that doesn’t make you a worse mom than me, or a bad mom at all! I want you to know that, because people get all into making other people feel bad for doing things differently. I just know what happened to me, and what worked for us.

ONWARD!

Motherhood Questions: Common Misconceptions

I have decided with my vast and lengthy experience of one child and two pregnancies, (in the midst of my second pregnancy) to do some posts about motherhood. Mostly because I have a lot of facebook friends who are either about to be moms, are new moms, or have been moms for EVER. Lots of mom knowledge needs to float around, and I’m here to float it. Even if you’re not a mom, I’m still hilarious, so you can keep reading.

I’ve asked some facebook friends for questions, and I’m going to take a couple of days/posts to answer. I could do it all in one post, (they didn’t ask that many questions) but I like to have room to ramble and be funny (at least, I think I’m funny), so I’ll stretch it out over the next couple of days.

I’d like to start by saying I have practically no experience being a mother and I know it. I mean, my son has only been alive walking the earth for 15 months or so, if you don’t count the keeping him alive whilst a fetus. Which, for the record, I DO. There are other mothers out there with more practical knowledge. I’m going to give you my two cents anyway, because this is my blog, and if there’s one thing having a kid will teach you, it’s that you can amass a HUGE amount of knowledge very quickly. It’s called Immersion Study. Like moving to France to learn French. It’s a “you do it because you have to to survive” sort of thing. Bear with me. And please, remember, take everything with a grain of salt. Salt is good for you.

Why You Should Have a Tax Accountant

I am madly in love with our tax accountant. In a totally platonic way. Here is why.

We’ve done our taxes several ways in the past. H&R Block, Turbo Tax, and Miracle Accountant. The first is an Evil Corporation. Just evil. The second in a nightmare of hidden fees and mistakes and possible audits waiting to happen. The last is a true thing of beauty and speed, like being handed the keys to an incredibly powerful, incredibly smart foreign car after driving a Yugo for 3 years. Perfection.

Aaron and I have always lived in one state and worked in another. It’s the downside of living in a city that spans two states….

This Feels Weird

This baby is already pretty different from Caden. And don’t say I can’t remember last time I was pregnant, because there was only an 8 month gap between evicting one and welcoming the next. I remember. Trust me.

Lately I feel, pregnant. Like Round. Like Clumsy. Like, Crazy. And it got me thinking about all the funny things you experience when heavily (or, approaching heavily) pregnant. Or, How To Know You Are Heavily Pregnant.

When you drop something on the floor, and stop to weigh out how much you really need it before bending over and picking it up.

When you wish you had a person whose sole job it is to pick up stuff you drop and decide you really need.

When you realize that you are gaining perhaps more weight than is healthy, but you still make cookies and eat a LOT of the dough.

Search Engine, Spoons, WWII, Fun Sports, “How to Spell Vacuum”

I thought it was funny to try and put some things in the title that would lead people to our blog when they put that particular word in a search engine. We’ll see if it gets us any hits.

I’ve felt this burgeoning need to create something lately, but can’t quite bring my self to drag out my paint stuff at night, mostly because it has to all be packed away when I’m done. I can’t just leave things out, or Caden eats them. It doesn’t matter how many times I ask him not to eat my brushes, he seems to be determined to gnaw them to death.

Perhaps he is teething?

Scary Mail

No matter how well I try and prep for vacation, we always come home to scary mail. I got all the bills paid and mailed before we left, made sure nothing was sitting in my inbox waiting to be taken care of, yet there it was when I got back. The pile of Scary Mail.

First, the electric bill. Always Scary. Thanks to running a space heater so my kid doesn’t freeze, also Expensive. I’m typing this blog by the light of a kerosene lamp. (Not really.)

There was the envelope with “Collection Services” in red on it. Panic! Open it to find out it’s a friendly receipt thanking us for paying our property tax on time. I recommend a change of envelopes, Property Tax People.

There’s the Mo-Health envelopes, wanting everything short of a blood donation to make sure Caden still qualifies for health insurance. After running around to my wallet, Aaron’s wallet, the stash of I-Am-A-U.S.-Born-Human documents I have for Caden and copying about a million pieces of paper, that’s ready to be mailed. Now I just have to guess where to mail it, since they didn’t so much tell me. Telling me to drop if off at my “Local Family Services Office” isn’t so helpful, since I know the office we previously went to has been relocated. It’s like a treasure hunt!

Home

We are back in KC after a whirlwind awesome visit with my family. I’m sure I’ll write more tomorrow about how amazing it was, but I wanted to get a little something out there into the aether for my family.

Caden, Aaron and I had an amazing time. As you can tell from my facebook status’ over the week, my favorite things about my house are the food and the naps. When you have amazing cooks in the family who are seriously dedicated to having healthy food around, it’s bound to be a good time. I came home and looked at my pantry and was sorely disapointed the Whole Foods Fairy obviously doesn’t make it out to KC much. And, when you have tons of people who want to love on Squeaker, that means tons of nap times for me, which is VERY BUENO.

We made it thru security at Sea-Tac in a record 5 minutes. We ate some lunch, ran the Caden around to wear him out, and somehow entertained everyone long enough to get us through our flight home. Tyler came and picked us up, helped carry in bags and he and Aaron went out to Bring Back Food. Dinner was subway (for us) and sweet potatoes (Caden). I’ve now gotten us entirely unpacked, and am heading for a bowl of cereal, and perhaps a shower.

Then Bed.

I miss my family already! I love you family! More about our awesome week and the weeks to come tomorrow. For now, food, and snoozes, KC-style.

Seattle

Well folks we have made it to the Northwest with nary a lost piece of luggage and no sickness for any of us! Miracles do happen, thank you Lord. And thanks to any of you who prayed.

Caden was good-not-great on the plane. He’s much too energetic to enjoy sitting for 4 hours straight, and Aaron had a couple of wrestling moments with him while I looked on helplessly and offered a variety of silly voices and themed crackers.

It is absolutely marvelous here. Other than the fact that Caden will not stop waking up at 4am. No matter what we do. Today we let him shriek to himself for an hour or so, in hopes he would go back to sleep. 4am is just too early, even by central time. But, when you’re in a house of snoozing family members, who ALSO have to listen to shrieks, it’s hard to just lay there and let him make noise.