A bevy of helpful friends have pointed out that with every subsequent child, you “show” earlier. This is not helpful advice. At this rate, if I have another kid, I’ll be showing a month before I’m pregnant.

Maybe I’ll find out it’s twins, and then I won’t have to feel bad about the fact that I’m 5 weeks pregnant and my work-pants are already too tight. I associate the feeling of tight pants with failure. So it’s time to change my mental perspective and gear up for 10 months of going “wow, this bump is big.”

I feel more motivated to blog now that I’m pregnant. I have such great records of my pregnancies with the boys, because I was home, and could blog while they slept. Now that I work full time, my nights are for other things. Playing with them, helping Aaron, painting, or my personal favorite, lying on the couch and doing nothing.

I’m a little sick in the mornings this time around, but nothing to write home about. Just a little gross feeling, and then around 11 it passes. Last night I almost put a shiv to Aaron and made him go buy me popcorn because I HAD TO HAVE IT. Instead, he sequestered himself in his darkroom and I ate chips and guac. And also some icecream.

I know I have a long time to figure it out, but I am still debating homebirth vs birth center vs hospital. Here are my lists of initial pros and cons for all of the above.

I lean towards birth center for the following simple reaons: that level of pain needs focus, and I don’t know if I can focus and be near the boys. 2) I don’t want to clean up after that. 3) I don’t want to be woken up every 2 hours at the hospital.

I lean towards homebirth: it’s my own stuff, and I don’t have to labor in the car. I can sleep in my own bed. Birth tub.

Hospital: One word. Anethesiologist. I will not make it through another labor like Riker’s without an epidural. I just can’t do that level of pain for that long. I am a little afraid to not have ready access to drugs. I felt a little alone last time, in my pain management. I’m sure I wasn’t. I’m sure there were people there who wanted to help, but I didn’t feel helped much, honestly. The hospital transfer threw everything and everyone out of whack. Midwives had to defer to doctors, I had to be on monitors, it’s a long story. By that time I was so desperate for sleep I didn’t know what to do, I was progressing so slowly and being on my back on monitors was THE WORST.

I have not forgotten the pain. I’m also trying not to focus on it too much. I have a long way to go until then, and I’m sure it will work out.

First prenatal appointment is tomorrow, even though I’ve not yet decided on midwives or where to give birth. This is my third rodeo, I don’t need to over think it just yet.

Countdown to baby: 242 days.

This entry was posted in Baby #3, Jennifer, Kiddo's by Jennifer James. Bookmark the permalink.

About Jennifer James

I'm a full time mom who works full time. I'm a painter, a dreamer, and a believer that the most feminist thing you can do is adore your femininity. I say what I think, when it's appropriate for sharing. I write when I feel like I have something to say. I love always.

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