There is a show I like, where one of the men talks about how once every couple of months, he gives his wife a terrific lady day. It’s all about going and doing whatever she wants to do, and looking interested the whole time. Once every two months.
I’m lucky, I don’t have to convince my husband to be interested in me, or to care about what I care about. He just does, because he’s a great guy. Last night he took me out to my favorite Thai place, Lulu’s, where I ate bit sized deliciousness and drank two fantastic martinis. After a great (and thanks to happy hour, super affordable) meal, he took me shopping at the Plaza, where he bought me a terrific pair of pants that may be black, or blue. We can’t decide. Awesome Guy at the Gap says “cobalt black.” Sure dude. Sounds good to me.
I even got to wear my new (new to me) vintage teal, brocade, satin-lined fur collared coat, which got rave reviews from every man working at the Gap. We oo’ed and ah’ed over the only tag in the coat, a labor union tag from the 20’s. I am going to take it to the furrier and ask them what kind of fur the collar is. In a coat that old, it has to be real. But, onwards to my point. First though, here’s my awesome coat. Well, the collar anyway.
We’ve been doing a lot of deep talking lately. By deep I mean, we have a lot going on this time of year- massive work week, cold weather traps the boys indoors all day, it becomes harder every year to be away from my family, espeically at the holidays, we have crazy schedules etc. It brings alot of emotions and thoughts bubbling up from the surface, and Aaron tries really hard to always listen to me. Some of this stuff is really hard for us to talk through, and Aaron and I are some of the best communicators I know. The other night we had to pen each other into the kitchen, and sit across from one another on the floor, and really hash some good stuff out.
Aaron and I were talking recently about how we feel like we can’t get a grip on life. The kids don’t behave exactly as we’d like (see: Screaming to go home at inappropriate times, or freaking out because no, you can’t take that stack of cups, stack of bowls, bear, bag of treats AND a book into costco), the house is never all clean at once, we both work so hard at our jobs our respective artwork suffers due to lack of time/clients, we need to work out more, and remember when went to church and prayed, way back when? Now I’m lucky if I get some good prayer time while I’m washing my hair. Sigh.
At one point Aaron said, “I just want to control [this] because it’s the only thing I feel like I have a grip on.” To which, in a moment of clarity on my life’s position, I replied:
Life is not about being in control. I think if you [Aaron] talked to other stay-at-home moms, they feel just like you do. Nothing is ever done, all at once. They don’t get to work out or shower or create, because they have this house and these kids to take care of. Life is not about getting a firm grip on life. Life is about submitting control to the Lord, and having a relationship with Him, so that you can hear His voice. If we’re hearing His voice, that’s all the control we need. The faith to move when he says move, and the faith to just rest in whatever chaos life has thrown out at us this week. I’m not interested in being in control, as great as that sounds on paper. As hard as that is for me to really walk out, because I do like knowing the plan. I’m interested in letting God have control. If we were in control, we wouldn’t have Riker, we wouldn’t even probably be married- I’d have stayed in school, you’d have gone home to Kentucky for lack of anything really keeping you here in KC. The greatest joys in our life together has come out of the times that we sat back, looked at the insane choice the Lord put in front of us, and said, “YES.”
That’s really how I feel right now. Some deep thoughts for so early in the morning.
Also- work breakfast potluck in t-45 minutes. Rough week to re-start weight watchers. Maybe if I do some jumping jacks at my desk?