I have a friend, who kind of acts like my therapist. We communicate in writing only. We don’t talk on the phone, we haven’t seen each other’s faces in almost 9 years. Aside from my sister, she’s the best friend I have right now. She’s a writer, which makes it easy to talk to her via only writing. She writes so well. You can find her here, and learn to love her as I do.
Erika, my friend, recently wrote me this question, and it’s worth sharing. She won’t mind be spilling our secret conversation. Not just this one time. 🙂
Erika and I have been talking often of how I’m feeling. Since I have no idea how I’m feeling, it’s nice to work it out with another person. Erika emailed me and asked me this:
Is it possible you were happier when you were home with your boys and Aaron was working? I dunno, but it just seems like you were happier, or maybe just less stressed? Either way, I know you’ve had a rough time lately and my heart hurts for you.
I had to sit back in my chair, and think. Was I happier then, more happy than I am now? Am I doing the right thing? How will I ever really know?
I thought for a few, and this is what I wrote her back:
Here’s the thing about home vs work. It was very clear from a spiritual stand point that this is where the Lord wants us right now. There were definite clear signs and prophetic words from the Lord that this was the correct path to go down right now, and it even spoke to our history with how Jesus guides through jobs and finances. SO. there is that. So when you ask if I was happier at home than I am at work I would say, not necessarily.
It’s not really about what makes me happy. It’s about saying yes to what the Lord has directed us into. Living in Kansas City does not make me happy, but it’s clearly where the Lord wants us to be. So I have to learn to position my heart to trust His plan, even when it’s not my plan. I have to trust the signs, the praying, the words we were given that this is where we are supposed to be, for now.
I’m learning how to position my heart to say yes, and be positive. I do love my job. I think more important than being “happy” I need to be where the Lord is directing me, and learn how He’s trying to teach me, grow me, shape me in the midst. It’s about His plan, not mine.
But, oh dearest Jesus, how I long for home, and to see the face of my friends.