Flat Shoes Are For Quitters

I wear high heels. I wear high heels as often as I can, for whatever situation I deem appropriate. I have high heeled sandals, pumps, wedges, boots, and sling backs. Most are above 4″.

At 5’9″, it’s not because I need the extra height. It’s because I think, in the proper setting and with proper training, they look lady-like. The tighten the appearance of your calves, they lengthen your posture, if you have good posture to begin with. The harken back to an earlier age, when men were men, and women were ladies.

However, I think some people really don’t understand heels, or when they are ok, or how to wear or WALK in them. Let me educate you, dear reader. And remember, at the end of all things, all rules are made to be broken.

Let me tell you some times that high heels are NOT appropriate.
– Running
– If you’re physically carrying toddlers (note the plural)
– Wal-Mart
– anything involving farm equipment.
– If you’re a man, exception: cowboy boots that are used to assist a man in actually tending cattle.
– sporting events you are participating in
– anyone under the age of 14.
– Missouri

Situations where the proper heel IS appropriate:
– the work place
– date night
– Whole Foods (when paired with organic cotton goucho’s and a v-neck t.
– Kansas in general
– any place where one desires to make one’s outfit look more polished.

Flats are casual. Heels take a casual outfit and give it polish. Even my flat shoes are generally very nice sneakers/flats I find for ridiculously cheap on ebay. Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating that heels are the only way, because they are pricey and they are less comfortable and believe it or not, they do require muscle training and posture awareness to walk in properly.

Girls: If you feel like a baby Clydesdale in your heels, then you LOOK like a baby clydesdale in your heels. For the love, stand up straight, lengthen the back of your neck, engage your core, walk with the weight in your toes, not your heels. You can not be lazy in high heels. You must, WALK. Not stomp, not clomp, not appear as if you are stuck in quicksand. Use your upper body to freakin’ move yourself, and for crying out loud, if you can’t walk in them, don’t wear them.

A dance instructor I once worked with said it best: “Chest up, lips out, butt back.”

Yes we could get all deep and talk about how heels make you look more…appealing and how is that really ok for young girls and really can’t we all just wear tennis and lounge pants and get on with life? I agree completely. But if you’re going to rock it, ROCK IT. And rock it right. I don’t want to ever see you again wearing painted on skinny jeans and hooker heels at Wal-Mart. Ever.

If you need walking in heels lessons, myself, my sister, or Charleen O’Hara Wells would be happy to teach you. Char and I will even give extra lessons on walking in your 4 inchers while very far gone in your pregnancy. No charge.

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About Jennifer James

I'm a full time mom who works full time. I'm a painter, a dreamer, and a believer that the most feminist thing you can do is adore your femininity. I say what I think, when it's appropriate for sharing. I write when I feel like I have something to say. I love always.

5 thoughts on “Flat Shoes Are For Quitters

  1. I want to wear heels, sometimes. Here’s the thing. I trip, in flats, on flat surfaces. Drop a dish every day. Run into corners and walls regularly. Start to fall down the stairs most days. I don’t think heels are for me.

  2. One more place they are NOT appropriate:
    – Places with a lot of loose brick work (ie both colleges that I’ve attended)

    I’m convinced that wedges are perfect high heel training wheels. You learn to walk several inches taller, but with more stability.

    I think 4 inch heels are my max, though. I had some 5 inch ones, and no matter what, I could not walk in them. Plus, I don’t really need to be 6’4″.

  3. I also want to add a caveat that if you’re wearing heels AND a skirt, you needs must walk with your feet pointed in a straight line. Otherwise, you look like a cowboy. No one teaches girls how to walk while wearing a skirt, and the result is a pretty girl swaggering around with a man-walk.

  4. Jessica- Have you ever considered that perhaps you have an inner ear problem? Most people with crappy balance have actually had an ear infection for years that affected their inner ear, and therefore their balance. Also- maybe you should do dance lessons with Brynn.

    Lynn- I think if you tried to wear heels at Western you would fall and snap both ankles. Wedges are indeed awesome, but you still need to know how to walk in them, or you look pitched forward like some sort of defective Barbie.

    Erika- If you are wearing a skirt, you should be able to walk like a lady regardless of footwear. How to walk and sit in a skirt should come long before how to walk in heels. If you walk pigeon or splay toed, you need to relearn how to walk, period. I completely agree with you.

    Char- Well, you wore heels and now you have twins. Maybe there is a connection? Hot women get knocked up double time?

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