This Feels Weird

This baby is already pretty different from Caden. And don’t say I can’t remember last time I was pregnant, because there was only an 8 month gap between evicting one and welcoming the next. I remember. Trust me.

Lately I feel, pregnant. Like Round. Like Clumsy. Like, Crazy. And it got me thinking about all the funny things you experience when heavily (or, approaching heavily) pregnant. Or, How To Know You Are Heavily Pregnant.

When you drop something on the floor, and stop to weigh out how much you really need it before bending over and picking it up.

When you wish you had a person whose sole job it is to pick up stuff you drop and decide you really need.

When you realize that you are gaining perhaps more weight than is healthy, but you still make cookies and eat a LOT of the dough.

When you realize those cookies REALLY aren’t healthy, so you have your husband pack them up and hide them somewhere in your apartment, and ration them out to you, 2 a day.

When turning over in bed becomes a procedure where you wish you had one of those cranes they use to lift injured marine life off the beach.

When you really do have to bend over the horizon of your stomach to make sure your shoes match.

When you start to panic every time there is a pile of stuff laying around, because what if the baby comes early and you aren’t organized?! *hyperventilate*

When Toyota truck commercials make you cry, because they are always set to really moving music.

When the only bongo player you have in your house is your 28 week old unborn child.

When that bongo is your bladder, or worse, lungs.

When you HAVE to ask yourself a million times a day “what can I eat that’s high in protein?” because if you don’t eat that protein and have skittles instead, you Will Get Sick and Possibly Vomit.

When you have to be careful to lean away from the stove when cooking, so your belly doesn’t accidentally touch a burner.

When you constantly do a zipper check (to make sure your zipper isn’t down) and then repeatedly realize that your pants have had only elastic, not zippers, for MONTHS.

When despite all of the above, you still feel pretty excited that a body can grow a body, who will grow up to be a person, because that’s pretty darn sweet.

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This entry was posted in Misc by Jennifer James. Bookmark the permalink.

About Jennifer James

I'm a full time mom who works full time. I'm a painter, a dreamer, and a believer that the most feminist thing you can do is adore your femininity. I say what I think, when it's appropriate for sharing. I write when I feel like I have something to say. I love always.

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