In Which I Whinge, and Moan (and post cute pics of Caden)

I do not feel good. I just don’t. It’s like that feeling you get when you can feel a really good flu coming on. I feel that way every night, and it’s very annoying. I would like to feel well, so I could get off this couch and clean my house, as I have accomplished no chores this week and it’s very dirty.

whinge. moan. First, some ad0rable pictures of Caden. Ad-Rabble.


Playing with his music table, one of his fav toys.


All of us at Blanc. Please note I only look mostly exhausted.

In other news, I received notification today that I am approved for MoHealthNet. Which, in laymans terms, means we won’t end up paying 7000 dollars out of pocket for this baby’s birth. I am so thankful for this system that helps families. Thank you system, I am blessed by you.

I’ve begun a serious shopping around for a good midwife. I know some amazing ones, but I jumped headfirst into the first thing I saw last time when I was pregnant with Caden and it left me with a check in my spirit. This time, I am researching around, asking specific questions, and going into this super well informed. If I’m going to have some woman at my house helping me birth a human life, we need to gel just right.

She needs to be very patient and very nurturing, have extensive knowledge of home births, vaginal births after cesareans, etc. We have a lot of trauma and fear because of Caden’s birth, and we’re going to need to talk that through with our midwife for SURE. I’m really excited about finding just the right person to help us. I shall not live in Fear, and a midwife will help me not fear.

Aaron is working late tonight, and I am suffering because I can no longer sleep when he’s not here. I used to tease him when we were newly weds and he couldn’t go to sleep without me. Now I’m doing the same toss and turn and mope and unable to snooze when he’s away. I spend the whole time with one ear cocked, waiting to hear his keys in the door.

Maybe I should take a bath. Maybe I should have a snack. Maybe I should just go to sleep.

So glad for the Lord. What would I do without Him to trust?

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About Jennifer James

I'm a full time mom who works full time. I'm a painter, a dreamer, and a believer that the most feminist thing you can do is adore your femininity. I say what I think, when it's appropriate for sharing. I write when I feel like I have something to say. I love always.

4 thoughts on “In Which I Whinge, and Moan (and post cute pics of Caden)

  1. What you need is a doc that will agree to the vbac. I had wanted a natural childbirth and ended up with a c-sect due to my first boy being breech. The next two were born bvac, one unmedicated. It can be done, with no problems. The doc supported me 100%. I pray that you can get what you want birthwise. Knowledge is power. Your body is meant to give birth. Unmedicated hurts like !@##$ but is VERY empowering.

  2. Because of the series of events with Caden, and my strong feelings concerning ob-gyns’, it would have to be a very special doctor indeed for me to return to a obgyn. There isn’t one around here that I’m aware of that would allow me the birth I want….but…I’d be open if they were.

    It’s good to hear from someone who vbac’ed just great, I’m hoping for some of that luck this time around!

  3. Just so you know, I will be calling you whenever I find out I am expecting again. (and I’m sure sometime before that just to chat cause I like you!) I’m struggling with fear and trauma here too just thinking about the possibility of having another child… So I’m saying many prayers for you and for a WONDERFUL birth. And while I’m writing just-so-you-know’s – I love reading your blog! Makes me smile everytime

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