Had a big morning today. Had a big day actually. A big shocking day. I’ve been feeling abnormally tired the last couple of days, but chalked it up to less sugar and oncoming hormones. I’ve been focusing and being super motivated to learn jujitsu, so I haven’t thought much about it the tiredness.
Then the other day, I ate a scrambled egg and had to choke it down. That was a big warning sign for me. Scrambled egg antipathy is a pregnancy thing for me. Scrambled eggs always tasted terrible when I was pregnant with Caden.
Two days ago I was thinking this to myself, “I am loving jujitsu SO much. Like, so much. I want to go every day. I want to study this intensely, and be focused and lose this last bit of weight and I LOVE IT. Wouldn’t it be kind of dissapointing if I found out I was pregnant and had to quit before I really got started?”
Cut to this morning.
I woke up and decided that 4 days late was plenty, and I would take a pregnancy test that would turn up negative, and my brain would relax and things would jump start. Sigh. Not so much.
I wandered out in my pajamas, peed on stick in hand (capped) and told Aaron “Hey pal, looks like I’m pregnant!” before I’d even said hello and good morning. This time I did NOT shake the test. ew.
For those of you who are wondering because everyone is asking, no, we were not trying to have a baby. We didn’t plan on trying again until next spring. Apparently God had other ideas!
I’ll be honest with you, I looked at my finally trim figure (I am 7 pounds away from my goal weight), thought about the contact martial art I’ve fallen in love with, and a part of me is feeling a little sad today. Along with about a million other emotions. I want to be always honest here at justeastofwest, because I know sometime, someone else is going to feel this way and feel like a freak. Maybe they’ll read this post and feel a little more calm and relaxed knowing they aren’t alone.
I’m not ready to gain weight again. I don’t want to have to quit jujitsu. I don’t know how we are going to handle life with two kids. I hate missing out on sleep. We need a bigger place, a bigger car, and more money.
BUT. And this is the best part.
We commited when we got married to wanting ALL the kids God has for us. Planned or not. In my mind, for us, no child will ever be an accident. A new life is worthy of celebration and LOTS of joy. God has always provided for us, and He’ll do it again. That makes me excited to be pregnant, it’s a great chance to lean into the provision of God.
Maybe I’ll gain less this time (I’ll definitely eat better). Maybe if I take out the throws and the rolls, my sensei and midwife will let me keep going with jujitsu. I cried when I realized I probably won’t be able to keep doing jujitsu. Honest.
Tyler and Joanna took us out to dinner to celebrate, and other bff Sydney sent me marvelously encouraging text messages and Twilight quotes to make me smile. I do have the best friends in the world. You should be friends with them too.
All in all I’m of course excited. It’s a different feeling excitement than last time for sure. Last time we’d been trying to have a baby for over a year, this time it was a total surprise, just like I knew it would be.
According to babycenter.com’s awesome due date calculator, it looks like I’m due in the end of April. I sent an email off to my midwife, and hopefully I’ll be going in for the “official” confirmation soon.
Wow guys, get ready, here we go again!
(ugh, but no PUPPPS this time!)