Cosmic Waiting Room

The worst part about not being saved (a 5 year hiatus my rebellion took from a relationship with God when I was in HS/College) was not knowing what was going to happen to me after I died.

I kind of pictured it like that scene in Attack of the Clones when Anakin Skywalker rode that giant hamster around in the field like a frakkin’ idiot while Padme watched lovingly. Oooo, props to people who know which two sci-fi genre’s I just mixed! Or I’d play a harp and wonder when it was snack time. I had no concept of a God who was so worthy of love that I could spend every day worshipping Him and never get tired or bored.

Anyway, I was driving to the Mecca of Genetically Malnutritioned But Thrifty Shoppers tonight, and heard a local radio dj fielding callers who had questions for a local psychic. I am very spiritually sensitive to this kind of thing and normally turn the dial instantly when I hear it to prevent a migraine, but this callers question caught my attention.

The caller asked, “Is he proud of me? Is he proud of what I’ve done with my life?”
She was talking about her recently deceased father. The psychic immediately answered that she was being told that he was proud of his daughter, and he speaks to her often through her intuition, and through her son, his grandson. “Oh Wait!” says the psychic. “I’m also seeing an older woman with him, they’re together!”

And on and on she goes to tell the caller what she’s being told and who’s hanging around up there in the cosmic waiting room. Two things surprised me about this psychic. Let’s break it down.

( Also, please realize I know this psychic is a giant hoax or demonically influenced, but humor me and pretend you even sort of believe in the idea of a random woman yanking your relatives out of the Great Beyond to tell you if they like your new hair cut/car/boyfriend/job/life choice.)

One: She “got ahold” of people INSTANTANEOUSLY. I guess the reception’s really good up there in the afterlife? *insert ‘can you hear me now’ joke here * I mean this woman wasted NO time “being told” things about people. As a caller, wouldn’t that make you wonder? If it’s that easy, you should learn how to shout out to the deceased on your own and not have to wait on hold.

Don’t dead people have anything better to do? Isn’t there like, a field they should be skipping in, or shuffleboard in the afternoons they should need to be summoned from? If I’m going to call a psychic, I’d like her to put a little more effort into hauling people down to chat.

I loved that this psychic would often be like “oh wait, there’s more people!” or “who’s the smoker?” I like the idea that people are just milling around together in some fog machine filled room waiting to be on the radio.

The whole thing was just weird-O. It makes me feel very glad to know that a) the eternal is NOT a cosmic waiting room and b) that I can talk to the only person in Eternity that matters anytime I want without calling a smutty radio station dj and having his flunky transfer my call into the Great Blue Sky.

Oh Lord, encounter people with your hope, the only hope there is.

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About Jennifer James

I'm a full time mom who works full time. I'm a painter, a dreamer, and a believer that the most feminist thing you can do is adore your femininity. I say what I think, when it's appropriate for sharing. I write when I feel like I have something to say. I love always.

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