Caden has gone, in two days, from immobile to crawling on his hands and knees. It’s been a very rapid increase in parenting energy for us. Suddenly he’s into everything, the texture of the floor, the volume button on the stereo, the cereal in the shag carpet.
I looked down at his hands today and noticed his nails had all this gunk under them, and his fingers were full of lint. Ewewewew ewew ewwwww. Other moms of crawling children are shaking their heads fondly at me, going “oh, how cute. She thought he was going to stay clean forever.” YES! I DID! He’s my baby and things that belong to me are clean!!!
Then I had a boy.
My carpet is so gross you don’t EVEN want to know. I’m still digging ice melt pellets out of my entryway. Caden is finding all sorts of tasty tidbits to examine, and life has turned from calmly watching him do little push ups in a stationary position to panic strickenly going “where is caden and what is he eating?!”
Hold on! This is all leading up to a funny story.
I really like to watch this show on Discovery where this bald guy eats weird food. I mean weird food. I’ve watched this man eat tree grubs, squiggly entrails and other stuff no one but a frat boy on a dare would touch. Sick. I can’t turn away though, it’s such a good show!
I was in the living room tonight, watching the show and playing with Caden (now known as ‘keeping Caden away from the stereo’ ) while Aaron cleaned the kitchen. On tv, the host has just gone deep sea fishing, and is munching his catch right there on the moving deck. The local fishing guide, probably knowing a sucker when he saw one, offered the host the STILL BEATING heart of a tuna fish to eat. The host was detailing it’s unique goodness when I squealed “OH SICK HE’S EATING A STILL BEATING HEART FROM A TUNA FISH!!!!”
Aaron slams off the sink, turns around to “rescue” the baby, and hollers “WHAT?!! Where on earth did he find that?!”
Yes people. Aaron thought I meant CADEN ate it. Aaron wanted to know how I let his child eat the still beating heart of a tuna fish.
a tuna fish. his child. eating.
Honestly, some times you have to look at life and just laugh till you choke on your own spit.