Here is my plan. I am making a pair of Alphonse Mucha inspired electric blue sneakers. I sketched out the shoes briefly, and I think I am going to start painting them tonight. If you don’t know who Mucha is, he is this guy:

They are going to be awesome. Just you wait.

It was a good weekend, and unseasonably warm which means that we could take the kids outside to play. Until Sunday, when the temp dropped like a rock and I almost froze to death because I was wearing thin work out pants and not a coat. Super fun. My in laws were in town for the conference so we got to eat Jack stack and a bag of desserts from Dean and Deluca. A bag. I’m having a hard time writing a coherent update for you, mostly because my stomach thinks it needs more food, and it does NOT.

I managed to get my self out of bed to go to the gym this morning, and even finished every work out I’d set for myself. This is a big deal, as I often leave feeling like I wussed out.

I may dye my hair. Wow. Maybe I had too much coffee this morning and now my brain is melting?

After selling a couple pieces last weekend, and then getting a commissioned piece as well, it’s feeling like I’m actually making art on a regular basis. I’m trying to sell enough right now to buy a artograph prism projector. It’s been a much desired piece for a long time, but it’s pricey at around 120, so I’ve been putting it off. I’m so slammed for time when I DO have time to paint, that not having to draw something more than once would be nice. I could do a drawing of the painting at work, get to the studio at night, pop it into the projector and away I would go!

Yesterday the lock/power button on my phone stopped working. You wouldn’t think this was annoying, until it happened to you. I can’t power off my phone, or turn off the screen when I’m done. So I’m doing a lot of butt dialing. Sorry if I butt call you. Or leave a butt voicemail.

I’m on day 12 of 14 straight days of working. Lots of stress eating and forgetting simple things and accidentally hitting hang up when I mean to hit transfer. I’ll be thankful for sleep on Sunday.

I’m very excited, my paintings are going to be displayed at onething! Pray that they sell. I’d love them all to have good homes.

Paint some Toms shoes! The lovely Katrina Styles asked me to paint her new ash colored Toms with leafless trees, and of course I jumped at the chance.

I’ve had the supplies to paint fabric for a while, and have painted some cute onesies for Riker like this one,

and I had such a blast. It’s very close to painting in acrylics, with a slight twist in that you can’t layer as much without the fabric becoming stiff. But once it’s heat set, it’s very easy to launder (gentle cycle and low heat in the dryer) and very durable. And as you’ll see, the possibilities are endless for painting fabrics!

I first bought my own fabric painting supplies to replicate a pair of Lucky Brand floral patterned sweats that were 80 bucks. 80 dollars. For sweats. Whatevs, I’ll make them myself!

One pair of 15 dollar sweats from Old Navy and some fancy stuff for my regular acrylic paint, and away I went! I’m pretty pleased with the results, and I get a lot of compliments because NO ONE ELSE HAS THESE! A designer piece! It’s a great feeling to make a simple piece of clothing everyone has totally unique to me.

So, when Katrina said she wanted custom Toms, I jumped at the chance. I’m so happy with the end results, and I really think she likes them.

I learned a little bit in the process of painting hers that will make the next pair go much faster.

The possibilities are endless for what I can paint: Toms, Chuck Taylors, baby onesies, sweats, tshirts. Basically anything made of canvas or cotton. I can’t wait to do the next piece!

I’m lucky, I don’t have to convince my husband to be interested in me, or to care about what I care about. He just does, because he’s a great guy. Last night he took me out to my favorite Thai place, Lulu’s, where I ate bit sized deliciousness and drank two fantastic martinis. After a great (and thanks to happy hour, super affordable) meal, he took me shopping at the Plaza, where he bought me a terrific pair of pants that may be black, or blue. We can’t decide. Awesome Guy at the Gap says “cobalt black.” Sure dude. Sounds good to me.

I even got to wear my new (new to me) vintage teal, brocade, satin-lined fur collared coat, which got rave reviews from every man working at the Gap. We oo’ed and ah’ed over the only tag in the coat, a labor union tag from the 20′s. I am going to take it to the furrier and ask them what kind of fur the collar is. In a coat that old, it has to be real. But, onwards to my point. First though, here’s my awesome coat. Well, the collar anyway.

We’ve been doing a lot of deep talking lately. By deep I mean, we have a lot going on this time of year- massive work week, cold weather traps the boys indoors all day, it becomes harder every year to be away from my family, espeically at the holidays, we have crazy schedules etc. It brings alot of emotions and thoughts bubbling up from the surface, and Aaron tries really hard to always listen to me. Some of this stuff is really hard for us to talk through, and Aaron and I are some of the best communicators I know. The other night we had to pen each other into the kitchen, and sit across from one another on the floor, and really hash some good stuff out.

Aaron and I were talking recently about how we feel like we can’t get a grip on life. The kids don’t behave exactly as we’d like (see: Screaming to go home at inappropriate times, or freaking out because no, you can’t take that stack of cups, stack of bowls, bear, bag of treats AND a book into costco), the house is never all clean at once, we both work so hard at our jobs our respective artwork suffers due to lack of time/clients, we need to work out more, and remember when went to church and prayed, way back when? Now I’m lucky if I get some good prayer time while I’m washing my hair. Sigh.

At one point Aaron said, “I just want to control [this] because it’s the only thing I feel like I have a grip on.” To which, in a moment of clarity on my life’s position, I replied:

Life is not about being in control. I think if you [Aaron] talked to other stay-at-home moms, they feel just like you do. Nothing is ever done, all at once. They don’t get to work out or shower or create, because they have this house and these kids to take care of. Life is not about getting a firm grip on life. Life is about submitting control to the Lord, and having a relationship with Him, so that you can hear His voice. If we’re hearing His voice, that’s all the control we need. The faith to move when he says move, and the faith to just rest in whatever chaos life has thrown out at us this week. I’m not interested in being in control, as great as that sounds on paper. As hard as that is for me to really walk out, because I do like knowing the plan. I’m interested in letting God have control. If we were in control, we wouldn’t have Riker, we wouldn’t even probably be married- I’d have stayed in school, you’d have gone home to Kentucky for lack of anything really keeping you here in KC. The greatest joys in our life together has come out of the times that we sat back, looked at the insane choice the Lord put in front of us, and said, “YES.”

That’s really how I feel right now. Some deep thoughts for so early in the morning.

Also- work breakfast potluck in t-45 minutes. Rough week to re-start weight watchers. Maybe if I do some jumping jacks at my desk?

Every bite was delicious. No, that’s not a typical day of food for me. I was bingeing just a little bit, because today, it’s back on the wagon.

That’s right, it’s week one all over again!

Before you go off on that schpeel people do, let me stop you. It’s ok, you don’t need to. I have a goal, a realistic one, for my fitness and I’m not there. In order to get there, I need accountability for what I eat. Weight Watchers works great for me, not because I need a ton of input on improving, but mostly because a)it’s an easy app and website to use on the go, and at work. b) If I’m paying for something, I’ll do it. Much more so when I know I’m wasting money if I cheat. c) It’s the holidays, and I’m a stress eater. I am on the verge of regressing big time in my habits.

I don’t have much time (none) to work out right now. That means locking down the food consumption. I probably ate about 4000 calories yesterday, because I could. Yikes. I have a variety of other reasons too. Like:

I am running a race in April with Shelley Paulson. I’d like to be able to be fit when that happens. Thin, or slender, doesn’t mean fit.

Despite what you think, I’m on the heavy side for my height. I have a TON of work pants and tops that don’t fit, but they are very very close to fitting. A few inches of fat loss in the place of some gained muscle will open up about half my wardrobe.

I never made it to my goal weight when I began my fitness journey last year. I got within about 2 pounds, and just couldn’t get there. I want to get there.

My pregnancies are tough. I am hoping that by being in the peak of physical fitness BEFORE I get pregnant will help me maintain a healthier pregnancy and possibly, an easier labor next time. A healthy foundation will motivate me to keep healthy habits during next baby’s gestation.

I’m willing to post pics and measurements on a weekly basis again, if anyone found that helpful. You can vote for a weekly stats update like I did on my previous weight loss journey last year. (To read these posts, just search for all the other posts tagged weight loss).

I’m excited to get really healthy again. I’ve been coasting for a while, and much as I don’t want to knuckle down, it’s time. Join me, won’t you? Leave a comment if you’d like the weekly stats/photo update as well!

It made me wonder, about Christianity, and his complaints about “our” religion’s interactions with the world. Because he’s right. Some Christians do some weird-o stuff in the name of Jesus.

I found myself asking the Lord, “Jesus, how can we care for your world? How can we love the homeless, save orphans, fight for life without demonizing the life-makers? How can we show the world we aren’t a bunch of hateful close minded bigots?”

You can’t please everyone all the time. If you take a stand, there’s going to be someone who disagrees with you. I get that. I know you can’t be of the world. I get it.

Love. Love is the only answer. All we can do, is cry out that the Love of God would be shown to the world through us. Maybe then it won’t be about our religion, which can be a farce. It will be about our God, who so loved the world he gave his only son.

I might fail often, but I want to be the person who loves well. Now who wants a hug?

The new shoes I got yesterday? How I miss my family every day? The long work weeks, the money stress, the fact that my new phone case is so slippery that my iPhone has basically become a greased up air hockey puck?

Yeah, I don’t know which to talk about either.

We skype with my parents a lot, because the boys are getting to the age that they ask. “Skype my nana?” Caden asks. “NANA! *finger point*” demands Riker. My in laws are in town this weekend, which is awesome. I love seeing them hang out with the boys, and they are so sweet with them and so generous. Last night I was putting the boys to bed, and I told Riker and Caden, who had just received clean diapers and fresh, post-bath pajamas, “Go say goodnight to gramma and grandpa!”

They promptly ran to the computer, which wasn’t on, and started waving madly yelling, “LOVE YOU NANA, LOVE YOU GRAMPA, NIGHT NIGHT SEE YA!”

It broke my heart a little. They were saying goodnight to my parents, whom apparently they believe live in our iMac. I ushered them out to kiss goodnight to the grandparents that were there, and they delivered i love you’s and kisses to all. So I guess all the grandparents got a good night last night, from the boys. Maybe I’ll just leave the skype connection to my house running at all times from now on?

For once in my life I’ve managed to have all my family’s christmas presents ordered and hopefully shipped on time to be there christmas morning. I still need to get my boys their christmas jammies, and a some stocking stuffers. I’m thinking of giving them kitchen spatulas/accessories, since that’s all they want to play with lately. I’m also thinking of giving Riker a surge protector. He’s obsessed.

I’ve planned this post to go up while I’m working on Sunday. That shift (this shift) should kick me over 70 hours. It’s been a good week.

I woke up this morning around 5, even though I didn’t have to be up until 5:30, because some tiny child needed a paci or milk or thought that two hours before sun rise was when the day should start. Not! Not! Go to sleep, tiny people!

I showered, turned the heat on, picked mascara out of my tear ducts. I wandered into the kitchen, fired up Eleanor (our espresso machine, that has inexplicably lived a very long life for such an inexpensive machine), put a frying pan on the stove for an egg. I laid out my vitamins, I drank some water, and debated if the inside of our pipes are rusting. I ended up dropping a tiny vitamin D capsule down my shirt, and never found it.

I looked out onto our rain slicked street and prayed for no ice. I noticed that my in-laws got us some great new pictures, and framed them. Other Father is a picture framer, professionally, and has been for many years. I get freebie framing on my artwork, if I time it right. He’s very generous.

I got cereal and a banana ready for the kids, filled their milk cups and left a note for Aaron saying they were in the fridge. I wondered if he knew he left the Xbox on all night; I turned it off. I ate my breakfast while checking twitter, brushed my teeth, put on my boots.

I collected the things I’d need since I’m going straight from work to a hair appointment; some lunch, a coke, just in case I was tired.

I sighed a little that I wouldn’t be there when the kids woke up, to kiss their cheeks when they ran to me, like they always do when they realize I’m home in the morning. I miss hearing their demands for milk, Veggietales, cereal. I remembered how blessed I am to be working.

Heading out the door, I checked the lock, making sure my family would stay safe while they slept. I grabbed coffee, keys, and a bag full of sketch book, wallet and gloves.

I left. I drove through the rain to work, and thought how different Saturday mornings look in December.

Still beautiful, just in a different way.

There are lots of skeepskin looking boots on the market, available almost everywhere. They’re made of sythetic or faux leather and fur, and they don’t breathe right. Because they are made of lesser materials, they are cheap, which is awesome. But, they don’t hold a candle to the real thing. They don’t last, they stifle your feet and aren’t nearly as comfortable or satisfying.

This holds true with many of the products I know and love. Oreos, (fake oreos are repulsive), shoes (cheap shoes don’t last), sheets, shampoo, and food. Synthetic or copies of a natural or real product just don’t hold up. I know it’s not always the most cost effective thing, but if I can, I try to buy the real thing. Call me pretentious, but I like brand names, natural products, the genuine article. They just last longer, they hold up better, they don’t break or fall apart or crap out like generics or make me sick.

I was walking up stairs to work this morning, and commented to a co-worker that I liked her furry boots. She told me, “they were super cheap, I got them at old navy.” I thought how interesting it was impossbile to tell them apart from “real” sheepskin boots, and how much less they cost. I mean, if you didn’t know what you were looking at, you’d never know her’s werent’ “real.”

How true this is with spiritual life. I want to be a girl that has the real thing, because the real thing, the genuine article is the thing that lasts. Thank heavens Jesus already paid all the costs involved. All I have to do is search out the genuine article, a inner life that isn’t just a copy cat of someone elses’ “real thing.”

In other news, I need some Uggs with buttons.

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Because rumor has it, my dad is blogging again. And he’s kind of the best, even if he’s not on facebook.